Don't Judge Me

Don’t judge Me!

So many diet programs out there, so many opinions as to what one should and should not eat. For me, wellness comes first. Then from there, I choose what should be on my plate. Now, today I had it all figured out, baked pork chops, fresh green beans, and mashed potatoes. The day waned, the chops were defrosting in the fridge and dinner was a wrap, in my head that is. A stop at the post office deflated me of most of my energy. The line stretched to Alaska! Well, almost! That kind of hope and patience, I wasn’t endowed with. Scratch that errand. Energy running low, it wasn’t long before the mashed potatoes plan was scratched from the list. Ramen noodles sounded strangely yummy right about then. A quick run back home to get ready for a 4 o’clock meeting and a stint at the amazing Austin traffic killed the pig. And the farmer could hold on to the green beans till tomorrow….

Some dinner plans remain just that –plans. Some people have a schedule, complete with an Excel spreadsheet smack on the refrigerator or an app for that. I try to plan ahead. But really, I go with what I crave. Moderation is my key. And I do not beat myself up for ingesting gluten when others swear it is the root of all diseases. I should see a little more green on my plate today, but today I was allergic to anything leafy. Maybe tomorrow.

I have this love relationship with food.  I browse the fresh foods section for hours, I pull recipes from Facebook, and I bring Pintrest to my kitchen just to experience a new realm with nature’s crop. I bake too, but every once in a while, I order through the drive-through window. My choices are not ideal all the time. Sometimes, convenience overpowers my better judgment. But it balances out with bunny days of carrot cravings, goat days of leafy salads, and even fruity days of Fuji apples with peanut butter dip! So don’t judge me if you see me hogging on that slice of Cheesecake Factory sinfully delicious cheesecake; It might be my birthday. Don’t judge me when you see me crunching down celery. It might be my snack before my lasagna is ready.

What is on my plate is not always what should be. But I am well. I don’t ascribe to Adkins, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, or any formal diet program and neither do I judge those who are. Be happy, and enjoy your choices as long as they nourish your body right. Listen to your doctor, know your cholesterol levels, the good and the bad. (My pipes have a way of building up clog, doctor said. So I am overly conscious of that). Balance it all with a fitness regimen, whatever your passion. May you have the kind of relationship I have with food –joyful and blissful.

Damaris Roulette is a proud member of BGR - Austin Chapter. Nurse, teacher, wife, and new(ish) runner, she likes to write on varying topics. Check out her natural hair blog www.mytangledmane.blogspot.com and her life ramblings on www.mrsroulette.blogspot.com

PS. Wrote this article for Black Girls Run last year. It is as it appeared when presented to the editorial panel.

Simple pleasures

Watching him sleep

Gentle giant, so vulnerable.

It's the little things that put the biggest smiles on my face! 

Marriage is a beautiful thing! Especially when you are yoked to the one the One above picked out for you. God knows my picks were so off target! 

Love and Grace. 

How Do you Reward Yourself?

How do you Reward Yourself?

A nurturing spirit defines a woman. In Biblical and societal standards, she represents warmth and security that the world would be ragged without. This woman gives beyond her reserve, she presses on even when she is running on empty. She has no selfish bone in her stoic frame, and her joy rests in knowing that her loved ones are not wanting. It is no wonder that her wells dry up at times. I know mine do. My wells of kindness get muddy at times, when my territories are threatened. My wells of strength dry up every once in a while, especially when I fail to replenish them with rest and willful surrender to fatigue. Now, there is a well that's always flowing, its glistening waters a splendid sight. This well knows no boundaries, so I should draw from it when all else is dry. Should. The well of giving.

Giving to others is only natural to me, giving to myself, now that is a challenge. Why reward myself? Is that not 'self-centered' of me? Do I deserve it? I don't need a new pair of shoes; my mother could use the money for something more useful. I don't need a manicure; I could save that money for better use. So many excuses to keep from rewarding myself yet always open to giving to others. The same goes with positive words to self. I set my goals so high, such that self-pats on my back are few and in between. Maybe if I approached my goals with the perspective of possibilities instead of accomplishments, giving myself words of encouragement would be a daily joy rather than lingering thoughts of failure. The same way I offer words of encouragement to those that need them, I need to do the same to myself because I too, need to hear them.

I burn myself out many times worrying more about others and less about myself. Learning to rejuvenate and promote my well-being in order to be the best I can be for others is something I have to learn. I have the resources; I just need to be a little kinder, a little gentler, and a little generous with myself. It doesn't have to be a dream tour of Europe, although that would be nice. It doesn't have to be a week's vacation to Fiji, although I dream of that too. My point is, it doesn't have to break the bank. A Swedish massage would be a grand gesture to myself, just the thought gives me a rush!  An hour of quiet time, an un-rushed soothing bath with candles, smooth jazz, and lavender scents.....

How do your replenish your wells? How do you reward yourself? 

Seve Ballesteros- the Champion Spirit

As a Spaniard in days when golf was for the westerners and the rich, Seve dreamed of being a champion. He day-dreamed, envisioned, and desired that title to its fulfillment. In his mind, he never thought to finish second in anything he was passionate about. His whole life was on one track- golf champion.

Growing up in a family of all boys, Severiano had tough skin. Never did the taunts kill his dream, never did the chides keep him from claiming victory years before he could ever set foot on a golf course without hiding up a tree....

On the green, he was art. The graceful swing of his club, the beautiful form of his body. He oozed charisma that only he could pull off. Lovely smile, a natural with humor. 

Seve wasn't too proud to learn from the masters, but did not hide his confidence either. He was master of the game after all, if his conviction was to go by. 

To achieve our goals, we have to plan, an take necessary steps to work towards them. The bottom of the chain then becomes the greatest step we ever took because like a drawing, it starts with that first contact of tip of pen to paper. 

Power of the mind cannot be stressed enough. Its role in the achievement (or failure) of our goals is critical. In Seve's mind he was a golf champion; so he was.

So much I could learn from Seve. So much!

The Running Wife

So I completed my 1st ever 10 miler this past Sunday and I feel ready to tackle a half marathon. Yep, I said it! Using my time on the race, apparently it can be calculated how long it would take me to finish a half marathon. 2 hrs and 11 minutes. 😳😳😳😳

http://www.runningforfitness.org/calc/racepaces/rp?metres=16090&hr=1&min=39&sec=0&age=31&gender=F&Submit=Calculate

Sooooooooooooo, to believe or not to believe? 

Training was fun. You know, once I had gotten into the rhythm of waking up for meet ups with my running buddy and also giving up evening naps to squeeze a few miles in. There's an element of discipline I was sure I lacked. As relates to exercise I mean. 😛. But somehow the power of consistency rewrites the software in the head and suddenly, it's not your annoying iPhone alarm waking you up but your body ready for a run. What the hell? There's a magic in social media when all the likes on a miserly 3 miles keep you in check so as not to disappoint. Ok, not miserly coz you have no idea how many huffs and puffs, crazy self-talk, how much effort it took to pick up one tired leg to throw it in front of the other jelly one to create movement and clock that number on the so-addictive running app. Like I need proof that I about killed myself.... Uhmmm, yes I do!!

There's also the solace in numbers. Those Saturday meet ups and high fives and smiles and sweaty hugs. Sistas gotta hold each other up. I love them BGR sistas a lot! 

Welp! My mind is made up. No half marathon this December as originally intended. Those things are not so cheap to sign up for and broke's been my song lately..... So to make up for the delay in my original aspirations, maybe a half M in January and another in February? Add it up and u have a full marathon. I am such a smart cookie!!! What? Call it an extended stretch session in the middle of a full marathon. ✋Paying you no mind! 

Meanwhile, I have been exploiting my recovery period post race but I'm ready to get back on the trail. Nothing like that adrenaline rush! 

Run for the Water 2014 was awesome and painful at the same time. Brutal hills but stretches of flat thrown in just to tease tired soles. Does Robert ever run his own race? Just curious coz this Burundi man was busy doing all else but the run. I gotta talk to him. Oh, that's the dude that started it all. Anywho,My thighs were burning, then I couldn't feel my legs at all. My hips were hot, then they gave up complaining. I definitely must relieve all that again. Runners are weird people.....  It was an awesome experience for this virgin long distance runner (Married virgin, pst!!) you know, first time doing the greater than 5 mile races. 😛. This particular race will be one of those I intend to run each year God willing. I have a feeling there will be more. 

I will keep you posted on this running wife's race-capades. I will try anyway. Don't get all law and order on me if it ends up being a long stretch in between blogs. After all, I gotta collect material to pen here right? 😛

Ciao! 

 

It is Sunday at the Oasis!

Thank heavens we made it out here today! I was having withdrawals. I know! I know! I have two left feet but I have acquired a rhythm..... In my head.

My niece and nephew are in awe. Fresh from KC, they have never seen anything like it. 

Swag's got it going on as usual. His girlfriend has a new do! fiery red color!! Or is that a new chic? Hmm. Will look at her again.

Islander always stops by our table to say hi. I think a girl he was checking out has a new man!! And she flat out pretended she doesn't know him. Third drama is not new is it. 😛.

Romeo looks perfect in grey. I was getting tired of his white shirt. The Brew is an amazing band. New saxophonist. And he is goooood!! Violinist must be on some rendezvous...... 

To be continued....

Sunday at the Oasis

Another salsa fix, another indulgence for the mister and I in all things free (unless we open the menu of coz). Swang by brother-in-law's for a minute for his birthday. I baked him a cake just like the one I made couple of weeks ago that he couldn't get enough of. Caramel cake. Homemade. My mister struck the jackpot... A wife that can cook! :-) 

So we are here. And sure as heck, we were first at the door!! Our reserved table was waiting for us. Well, self-reserved. We claim it.

Swag is here!! His lady is a vision with white shorts and a blue top with a belt accentuating her beautiful figure. Bolton is yet to hit the floor, but I saw him a while ago, smiles and all. He has the bluest eyes! 

The Centennials were a smidge late today, but as usual, the smiles and radiance they project is infectious.

Swag is pulling some crazy moves today! Spins and turns and I'm dizzy just watching him and his lady. Bootilicious is here too. The linen pants don't do her body justice. Jeans flaunt her curves better. 

So, news about Violinist. He is in the band. Eye candy. Caught him making out with his boyfriend..... Sorry ladies. There's a lucky man out here and Violinist is watching him like a hawk..... 

Islander is a regular here, and seems like all regulars know each other. Anywho, brother always passing his business cards around..... That to me takes away from the value of the social gathering. But such is the hustle, gotta network and make yourself known. 

The music is awesome as usual, but Romeo just announced that his saxophone player is leaving. As long as Romeo and Violinist are still here, my band is complete lol! But the vibe is a little subdued, or is it just me? The mister is excited about salsa as usual, and my girl Nana was able to join us! The floor is mostly packed the entire time save for times when violinist was doing a solo string session..... 

Food at the starlight is horrible! I can attest to that now. Stick to the queso Mrs. Roulette. Believe the reviews you here at face value sometimes. Waste of 14.99 of our hard earned money. Fish tacos. Coulda filled three bags at Aldi with that money. Nkt!  But it's all good. One thing I will say though! Drinks are great! Tonight I'm all aqua. Not feeling fermented sugar or distilled portions that come in fancy glass bottles branded Jose Quervo (never met him) or grand manier and a hefty price tag to boot. Could go for coffee or tea actually, but I doubt there's a Keurig behind the bar.....

We made a new friend today. Theo is her name. I know! Theo is a girl, not my ex boyfriend.hahahaha! Lawd no! She is from Tanzania! She was so excited to speak Swahili poor thing must be the only African she knows in North Austin, or all of Austin for that matter. Nana and I are about to change that soon as we plan a coffee or lunch meet to get to know each other better. New friends, new perspectives. Life is good. 

Our waiter John was as bad as the food. About to go to yelp and do my thing but maybe I should give him another chance. It's our fav spot after all. As I look around for him coz we are ready for our check, who do I spot? Nubian Queen!! Her admirer from last week is trying to get a dance, literally tagging her his way but the one she is with now is not letting go. Oh my! The young Turks got a thing for missy!! She is loving the attention. Who wouldn't? 

So that wraps up our Sunday. Lovely evening with my best friend and the company of my gal Nana. She had a great time she said, and I am glad. 

Monday is a few hours away. May your week be ever fruitful, may the works of your hands be blessed. May God's grace shine upon you and may He bless you, and all that is yours. 

Love,

Mrs. Roulette 

Oasis escapes- Salsa musings

The oasis is a slice of heaven. Laughter and joy resides in the gyration of the bodies that make up the salsa dance. The summer heat is fuel to the soles on the dance floor, the sweat, a bathing of contentment. Swag is back, and he is a hard one to turn away from. Bolton has the ladies watching , envious of his partner. And I'm still looking for Whiskey Guy. He and his partner have a certain class that stands out from the crowd that fills the Starlight. They have a waltz-y touch to their salsa and the lady's shoulders are held high, head turned at just the perfect angles and grace.The band is pulsing in pure spirits, and my husband is gyrating on his chair. I'm dreading the time he will drag me to the dance floor. He always does. He has the gift of dance.... I have two left feet. :-)

Nubian queen is having a blast, I can tell because she came alone, but she has three guys down now on the dance partners. Life is good. Romeo continues to awe the crowd with his honey sweet voice while his band holds him up in ecstasy by way of drum and string.....

The sun is setting over Lake Travis, and everyone oohs and aahs as to how glorious the sight is. So in between watching the tangle of hips and the teasing of toes and smiles shared amongst strangers, I have to remind myself to lift my eyes and turn towards the west lest I miss the magic moment. My heart is content, my love is by my side. And tonight, we share the secret place with the in-laws. It is always a pleasure to connect and share fun moments to cultivate and maintain ties.

Jason is back, and just like Bedore, he exudes trust and calm no matter what. Islander continues in his quest to ensure the sistas get a fair share of offers to dance. The auto industry has not hardened this heart, or made him care less about feelings. Centennials are happy; I hope my life is full as such when I'm that old. My nurse side keeps thinking a hip fracture is eminent every time the mister swirls her around. But such is the spirit of salsa- living in the moment, enjoying what life has to give now because tomorrow is not promised.

 I see Bootilicious getting her groove on. Her date from last week is not here....he was so easy on the eyes!
I am getting in the groove of the music, and the grand manier in my margarita is working its magic on me. I feel like I could partake of this ritual called dance...... or can I? Then the magic is lost when James says we need to leave. That's my brother-in-law who I love to pieces. He falls asleep at the simple hum of air conditioning. LOL! So he is ready to turn in, and his 1st Lady has to work early in the morning. Hubby and I had our magic Sunday nights figured out, but since we have company, we will go with what they want to do. So I pick up my bag and wait on our check. I am just glad they got to experience Oasis and had a good time!

I manage to snap a picture of the sunset, but the climax of the night for my mister and I is always the part where we have a group salsa lesson. Tonight we will miss that. But come Sunday we will return and again revel in the realms of Latino and Cuban sounds at our pace, and stay till the band leaves the stage.

One of the many pics I took on our way out.

 The simple pleasures of Austin, the graceful moments of relaxation. 

Note:
I have nicknamed the people at Oasis by either how they look like, the attribute that sticks out to me, or who they remind me of. It is fun people-watching. Maybe one of these days I will be the one kicking the corn meal around the dance floor in organized rhythm. :-)

Till next Sunday, have a blessed week!!!

Kenya's Polygamy law - My view, my thoughts.

My grandfather had two wives. Yes, out of this marriage twenty children were brought to this world. One of them is one special lady, my Mama. That was the time when traditional culture WAS the law, before the British colonialism painted civilization on the canvas that is my homeland. My grandpa is about 95 years old, a man strong in stature and conviction. A man who found solid ground in religion that the white man brought to his native land. This religion of Christianity preached a one man one wife policy. What to do? He loved both my grandmothers dearly, and not a day did I see any favoritism of one over the other. He is a special breed for sure. When the constitution was written after Kenya gained independence, those that had multiple wives were 'grandfathered in' but it was illegal henceforth, to marry a second wife.One woman, one husband. The Brits left, we continued to grow in our civilization, albeit slowly.
I have been in the diaspora for almost 12 years. Surely my country did not just take a step back into the pre-colonization era in a snap of a finger yesterday, did it??? In my innocent belief in the sturdy leadership of Uhuru Kenyatta (pardon me but after the Oranges and Bananas, I lost track of Kenyan politics inasmuch as papa tried to keep me updated and up to speed on stuff). So my belief may not have had solid grounding, lacking in better grasp of the undercurrents that prevailed in Kenyan politics. When I heard of this bill that allows men to marry more than wife and that they did not have to inform the first wife, I brushed it off as something that would not stick. I mean, Uhuru to sign that bogus bill into law? We are talking an Amherst graduate. A breed of a civilized nation's higher education system. Nah, that bill would just roll off and be forgotten. Surely Uhuru would not feed into that mess that is big-bellied greedy fools in parliament who want to feed their ego by asserting their power in ludicrous ways, like marrying more than one wife? My argument was that we have a level-headed, smart head of state who has one wife, one First Lady. I know she would not be alright with sharing that role with some clandestine female who suddenly wants to share her domain, right? But oh was I wrong! Typical African is what some would say of Uhuru now that he has signed Kenya into doom. Really. Is that what wielding power in politics is about? Having multiple options to openly expose oneself and other women to a higher risk of HIV/AIDS, and other God-knows what other STDs?

There was a time I prided myself in my citizenship every time I saw Kenya in the US news, BBC and all other mainstream media channels. I swell in pride like a bull-frog when I see the runners cross the finish line with the ribbon across their torsos. I am pleased to hear that we are well-represented in the swimming competitions in SA. Whenever someone asks where my accent is from, I feel they should already know it is Kenyan just from the sheer grandeur that I hold my country upon.
Today, I want to hide. I want to be invisible so I do not have to face the fact that my country just retracted back into pre-colonial times when a man could marry more than one wife. I wonder how that happened without having to get colonized for  close to 70 years all over again? I want to kick Uhuru's ass and gouge his eyes out. But I can't, and I won't. That would only feed the bear. The Daily Nation called it 'shameful and retrogressive'. Very accurate description of this whole saga. Some politicians had the audacity to claim that this law will reduce prostitution and HIV/AIDS, infidelity, and cheating. Really? So help me understand. Does the fact that it is now law-protected to sleep with a dozen women negate the prevalence of HIV infection? Does the umbrella of the bill act as a condom now? Maybe I am missing something here but seriously, REALLY? Who, really is the ho here, 'prostituting' themselves to multiple women who they have branded 'wives' simply because it is now lawful? He who chooses to marry other wives chooses to be the prostitute, the infidel, the cheating partner simply because the law now supports the practice. So there, Njoka, what you say now?

Do the parliamentary members who drafted this bill think they are doing women a favor? So I hear that the relationship dynamics in Kenya is screwed up in this time and age, with some women totally fine being 'monogamous' with a married man and totally okay being the sidekick. But that happens the world over; not just Kenya. So maybe these women want their share of the wealth and ability to invoke the law when scorned or in the event they are dumped for a better catch. But any individual with a brain, even some, in their skulls will see that this is the beginning of a downfall. A downfall of a country that has struggled to be where it is today in matters of health, politics, and socio-economics. I can hear ululations from some women who this law favors. But little do they know that they too will be the victims of the very same law that they thought provided them a footing in the supposed marriage.
The divinity of marriage has been mocked by the law. And right in my face, I see that the end of the world is near. I believe the Kenyan woman has powers that only she can wield. She will stand, she will be heard despite the noise from arrogant bigots who think they run this. The Kenyan woman who is for the marriage institution as being one man one woman contract will find a way to show these particular men that strength does not just lie in places of power, abused or otherwise, but also in crevices of maternal instinct....the power of a woman.
I am just a woman scorned from a distance by a law that affects my people. I am no professional writer, just a victim by association, a victim by virtue of gender.